The biggest metal torture one can endure is the state of confusion ,not knowing what to do or how to react appropriately in a relationship,and constantly figuring out where do you stand in someone’s life.For instance these lines from the movie, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Played by Gwyneth Paltrow , as Marge Sherwood, the dialogue “The thing with Dickie… it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold … When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much “.Some people are living example of this.
Have you ever been around those people or have a partner or anyone you’re seeing, who’s like a warm sunlight , calming soul.Someone who makes you feel alive with their attention and who knows how to spend a good time together, they can cook, they know the art of entertaining heart to hearts, the physical connection is strong .But once they see you out of the door , or you separate physically, it’s like that was just a figment of your illusion, they’re simply vanished. The relationship experts name it “ghosting”.
You keep checking your phone , making sure your internet connection is stable ,perhaps you’ve missed their message or call, so much so that you find yourself searching online for ideas and advices, looking for contents that might provide words to your confusion.Such people are like the Katy Perry song “Hot N Cold” , the lyrics “You change your mind ,Like a girl changes clothes, Cause you’re hot then you’re cold ,You’re yes then you’re no,You’re in then you’re out,You’re up then you’re down ,You’re wrong when it’s right ,It’s black and it’s white” , and continues, “You don’t really want to stay, But you don’t really want to go”. They frustrates you with endless games , where you cannot comprehend either they want to be with you or they have made a decession.
And once they are done with their ghosting phase and finally when they do contact you , or when you create reasons to be with them, you feel like the fire inside of you calming down, like water is poured on your burning soul. Because all you craved was their attention.
The most frustrating thing is that most of the times they have many admirers, and when one see many others trying to get their attention , it seems like a good challenge. Or the idea that perhaps they might pocess some alluring secret, something that you need to discover and that adds to the restlessness.
Such individuals are emotionally and mentally damaging for the one at the receiving end of their games. Their indecisiveness , in some cases carelessness and flighty nature or for some it’s the players attitude, just a regular flirt who doesn’t care about anything but enjoys the thrill and later forgets you for days and weeks, is a recipe for disaster.
One might be emotionally strong and able to comprehend it and distance itself from such pernicious human , who are lethal in some cases , they might survive their games .In contrast the emotionally weak ,with unstable attachment styles, or those who are seeking validation through such experiences are asking for endless damage. They better refrain from persuaing further, and get the help. The sooner the better, because once it will continue to pile up on the soul , the weaker you’ll get ,the worst is waiting for you , as such people rarely mend their ways.
The best thing to do is use that distance for self reflection and meditation, connect with your own soul, learn something new , distract yourself,deal with your previous traumas , be more confident about your personality and self worth. Read books on self actualization, those who know their own worth and prioritize self respect above everything, they win this battle of wits like a pro , otherwise you’re just drowning in a pattern of worthlessness and infatuation towards a person who is not worth it.